I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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