If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
