so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
