I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
