First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
