Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
