whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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