What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
