Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
