I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
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He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize