Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
