Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
