She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
