Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
