Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
