My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
