He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
