I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
