were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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