He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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