Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
