marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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