I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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