My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
