he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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