Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
