is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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