Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
