Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
