i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
