i just sent this text using only my big toe
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
