I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
