she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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