The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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