whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
