I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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