New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sex in the backyard? Check.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
