The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
