and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
