I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
