I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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