i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
