Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
