dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
