She's the barista slut.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
