This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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