Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
