when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
