I faked an abortion last night.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
