I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
