i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
