Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
