I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
