I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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