he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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