i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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