No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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