well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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