when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
