I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
