did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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