At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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